Alignment of the inner and outer

Chronic misalignment between values and work depletes our energy

We are all skilled at negotiating various roles in our lives and adapting to situations according to the social code we determine suitable. We behave one way in a group of like-minded friends and another way when managing employees or meeting customers. These flexible roles help us weave in and out of different contexts and relationships, which is a natural part of being a social animal.

However, sometimes these roles can become a bit too rigid, perhaps they are not incorporating our deepest core sense of self, but leave us operating from the surface of ourselves with some sense of protecting, hiding or masking a part of us. The word persona originates in Greek and refers to a theatrical mask in ancient theatre. In everyday English a persona is the image or personality we present in public or in a specific setting as opposed to our true self. We might be so used to inhabiting these various roles that we don’t know who our true self even is, some people doubt if such a thing even exists.

A persona can become problematic if we feel we have to portray ourselves in a certain way in order to feel accepted by others, to a point where we feel we are no longer being authentic. It uses up a lot of our available energy, and leaves us somewhat ungrounded and disempowered. It eats up our ability to connect with the world. We may be with many people, but if we’re connecting through a mask, our true self behind the mask feels alone and not seen. What would it be like if we learned to settle in our core and be in connection with the world from there? What happens if we drop the mask and allow ourselves to be as we are? The Calmer Farmer participants reflect:

“I am often aware of tension in my face and hadn't thought of it before as a physical representation of a metaphorical mask I'm wearing. But I am increasingly aware that I mask my true feelings and sensitivity in many, if not most, situations. [...] I sense this 'dropping the mask' is a potent and revealing practice. And I look forward to continuing to explore how it feels to allow more softness and openness in my face and seeing where the ripple effects may lead .... “

“It feels lovely and relaxing to drop the mask. But it makes me realise how much I use it. I can see that this is going to be challenging for me. That said, I'm so glad we've still got three weeks left. I'm loving learning how to pay attention to how my body feels - what a treasure trove to explore, and one I tend to ignore. It's like suddenly noticing an old friend who's been there all the time.”

“I have to say that I could drop it, but even with a fair amount of practice the mask popped back very easily. I know, a lifetime of creating a mask isn’t going to change in a few days, but the idea of being able to drop it is very appealing! It was quite something to become aware of the mask & I’m wondering how to bring regular awareness to this.”

Misalignment between calling and reality of work

Let’s broaden this idea a little bit from social situations to the work we do. Often we choose our field of work because we sense a calling to it, we are drawn perhaps to the values it holds and we want to show up in the world by contributing to the enactment of those values. Or perhaps it’s the nature of the work, such as being with animals or working outdoors on the land, that attracts us.

The deep calling we feel comes from our core or the true self, but sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where we’re doing the work we longed to do, but we’re having to compromise on the values that drew us to the work in the first place, because of financial demands and restraints, regulations, lack of time or limitations placed on our work by wider systems and so on. There is an incongruence or a misalignment between our calling and the reality of our work; our core and the surface activity.

Rachel Phillips, Managing Director of Apricot Centre, an organic regenerative farm and education centre in Dartington, Devon, witnesses this misalignment as a teacher of regenerative farming:

“We often operate in a very systematic way. Structure and logic help us navigate the world and we need that. But there’s another side to us, a more intuitive, emotional part. For farmers, the decisions they make on their land aren’t purely financial or practical. There’a something deeper at play, a strong, personal connection to the land itself.”

Emotional weight of inner conflict

Often the moment all our masks drop is at burnout, when we can no longer carry on doing what we have been doing. We may burn out for the sheer amount of work we have had to do, or it may be that the tension created between our core values and the outer work we are doing has become unbearable. Compromising on our integrity long term depletes our energy and saps our resources. It creates tension in the body and exacerbates rumination amplifying our sense of disconnect from our body and the surrounding world. Rachel Phillips sees it as a contributor to mental health struggles in farming:

“It’s not just about economics. I believe many farmers feel caught between what the system demands and what their instincts tell them is right. That tension of being stuck in a process that doesn’t always align with their values can be incredibly heavy. I think that’s a big part of why mental health struggles and even suicides are so prevalent in farming. It’s not just about money, it’s about the emotional weight of that inner conflict.”

The surrounding conditions we are having to meet may be difficult, if not impossible to change, we may not be able to create the outer conditions that perfectly match our values. Similarly, the social code and norms are unlikely to change by us breaking them and behaving as we please, it is still wise to follow some etiquette. So how do we negotiate this tension between our core and the outer expectations?

Practising dropping the mask helps us see who we are without the outer roles and expectations. Getting to know our core, our true self, acknowledging and honouring the longing deep down and bringing our core into our wholeness, helps us navigate the tensions between the inner and the outer. Living more from our core while recognising the outer expectations and limitations allows for stability, safety and strength without the need to impose so much control.

When we are in tune with the core of the whole bodymind, there is a sense of inner alignment, we feel authentic and trusting of who we are. We are in connection with our surroundings, because we have relaxed our shield and are no longer hiding or protecting. When we relax, others relax around us; when we are true, it rings true to others and drops them into their authenticity. And when people meet in authenticity, changing the outer conditions becomes a whole different proposition. This is how cultures shift.

Photo by Llyfrgell Genedlaethol Cymru / The National Library of Wales on Unsplash